# Getting Married — Themes

> Major themes in Getting Married by George Bernard Shaw.

## Critique of Marriage as an Institution

The book systematically attacks the legal, social, and religious foundations of marriage, arguing it is a flawed, often oppressive institution based on property rights and sex slavery rather than genuine affection or partnership.

### Where it surfaces

- [Preface to Getting Married](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/preface-to-getting-married): The preface systematically critiques the legal and social structures of marriage, questioning its validity and fairness.
- [The Revolt Against Marriage](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-revolt-against-marriage): The chapter attacks marriage law as inhuman and unreasonable, and criticizes both the institution and the anarchical attempts to circumvent it.
- [Marriage Nevertheless Inevitable](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/marriage-nevertheless-inevitable): The chapter critiques marriage as a coercive institution that is practically inescapable for normal people, despite its flaws.
- [What Does the Word Marriage Mean?](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/what-does-the-word-marriage-mean): Shaw argues that marriage is not a fixed natural order but a variable social institution, criticizing the assumption that it has only one meaning.
- [Survivals of Sex Slavery](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/survivals-of-sex-slavery): The chapter directly attacks marriage as an institution rooted in property and sex slavery, arguing that its laws are based on treating women as chattels.
- [The New Attack on Marriage](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-new-attack-on-marriage): The chapter presents a sustained critique of marriage as a 'sanctuary for pleasure' that now fails to fulfill its reproductive function, echoing St. Paul's instinctive recoil from marriage as a form of mutual slavery.

## Economic Dependence of Women

A central theme is that marriage functions as a system of economic slavery for women, who are forced to marry for livelihood, reducing the institution to a form of legalized prostitution and distorting genuine relationships.

### Where it surfaces

- [Survivals of Sex Slavery](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/survivals-of-sex-slavery): The chapter notes that the abolition of marriage would leave women more enslaved unless their economic dependence is addressed, and promises to discuss this later.
- [Hearth and Home](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/hearth-and-home): Highlights how home life sacrifices girls' chances and makes them slaves to sick or selfish parents, limiting their economic independence.
- [The Question of Population](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-question-of-population): Discusses the possibility of making motherhood a paid profession and the opening of other livelihoods to women, linking economic independence to reproductive choices.
- [The Right to Motherhood](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-right-to-motherhood): The chapter implies women's dependence on men for motherhood, linking to broader economic subordination.
- [Monogamy, Polygyny and Polyandry](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/monogamy-polygyny-and-polyandry): The chapter highlights that women in modern civilization are not paid for their domestic and child-rearing work but are financially dependent on their husbands, making polygyny economically unfeasible for most men.
- [The Male Revolt Against Polygyny](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-male-revolt-against-polygyny): The chapter frames women's acceptance of polygyny as an economic calculation, substituting 'Income' for 'Man' to illustrate the dependent woman's perspective.

## Divorce and Legal Reform

The book advocates for easy, accessible divorce as essential to marriage's maintenance, arguing that indissoluble marriage causes misery and hypocrisy, while sensible divorce laws would allow for healthier re-assortment of couples.

### Where it surfaces

- [Preface to Getting Married](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/preface-to-getting-married): Discusses the need for legal reforms to make divorce more accessible and equitable.
- [What Does the Word Marriage Mean?](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/what-does-the-word-marriage-mean): Shaw focuses on the need to improve the conditions of marriage dissolution, arguing that indissoluble marriage is an impractical fiction.
- [Domestic Change of Air](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/domestic-change-of-air): The chapter advocates for altering marriage laws to permit easier changes of partners, suggesting such reforms would not demoralize society.
- [Carrying the War Into the Enemy’s Country](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/carrying-the-war-into-the-enemy-s-country): The chapter directly addresses the refusal of marriage idolaters to accept reform proposals and warns that this may lead to more radical destruction instead.
- [The Personal Sentimental Basis of Monogamy](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-personal-sentimental-basis-of-monogamy): Shaw advocates for rational divorce laws to allow honorable dissolution and remarriage when a marriage of sentiment breaks under polygamous strain.
- [Divorce](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/divorce): The chapter argues for expanding divorce grounds beyond adultery to include cruelty, criminality, and incompatibility.

## Illusions of Romantic Love

Shaw debunks the romantic ideal of love as a permanent, sacred bond, portraying it instead as a transient, irrational appetite that should not form the basis of lifelong legal contracts or justify personal enslavement.

### Where it surfaces

- [The Revolt Against Marriage](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-revolt-against-marriage): The chapter exposes the dangerous nonsense and false ideals that surround marriage, including the notion that private agreements can override legal bonds.
- [Marriage Nevertheless Inevitable](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/marriage-nevertheless-inevitable): The chapter dispels the illusion that illicit unions offer freedom, showing they are often as tyrannical as legal marriage.
- [A Forgotten Conference of Married Men](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/a-forgotten-conference-of-married-men): The conference attendees view marriage as a 'lifelong honeymoon' and a rite that absolves them from health and temperance, revealing a romanticized and unrealistic ideal.
- [Hearth and Home](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/hearth-and-home): Critiques the romanticization of domestic life and the confusion of virtue with mere morality, leading to a revolt that glorifies libertines.
- [Too Much of a Good Thing](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/too-much-of-a-good-thing): Challenges the illusion that love should be the central, continuous focus of family life, comparing it to a nuisance in reality.
- [For Better for Worse](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/for-better-for-worse): The chapter describes the passion that leads to marriage as 'the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions,' and criticizes the sentimentality and Amorism of marriage.

## Hypocrisy and Social Pretense

The text highlights the vast gap between the idealized public image of marriage and its private reality, exposing how society enforces a pretense of virtue while winking at widespread misconduct and hidden suffering.

### Where it surfaces

- [The Revolt Against Marriage](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-revolt-against-marriage): The chapter highlights the hypocrisy of those who publicly defy marriage laws yet often end up in monogamous unions, and the pretense of freedom in marriage treaties.
- [What Does the Word Marriage Mean?](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/what-does-the-word-marriage-mean): The chapter exposes the hypocrisy of those who defend marriage without specifying which form they mean, and who never tell the truth about their own marriages.
- [Survivals of Sex Slavery](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/survivals-of-sex-slavery): Highlights the hypocrisy of society that punishes those who attack marriage while condoning marital misconduct, as illustrated by the contrasting treatment of Shelley and Nelson.
- [The New Attack on Marriage](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-new-attack-on-marriage): The author criticizes defenders of marriage for ignoring the real crisis while clinging to outdated moral positions, and contrasts the supposed libertinism of free lovers with the hidden 'licentiousness' within marriage.
- [A Forgotten Conference of Married Men](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/a-forgotten-conference-of-married-men): The married men's self-satisfied respectability is exposed as a facade for ignorance, narrow-mindedness, and moral complacency.
- [Hearth and Home](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/hearth-and-home): The chapter exposes the gap between the idealized 'sweet, clean English home' and the reality of petty tyrannies, false pretences, and moral corruption.

## Property and Ownership in Marriage

Marriage is analyzed as a property relation, where spouses are treated as chattels, with jealousy and possessiveness rooted in commercial instincts rather than love, as illustrated by references to Othello and the 'tenth commandment' morality.

### Where it surfaces

- [Othello and Desdemona](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/othello-and-desdemona): Shaw analyzes Othello's and Antony's proprietary jealousy as evidence of viewing spouses as owned objects, not loved persons.
- [What Is to Become of the Children?](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/what-is-to-become-of-the-children): Shaw equates the theory that a child is the property of a parent with the theory that a wife is the property of a husband, both abhorrent and mischievous.

## Population and Social Consequences

The book connects marriage laws to population decline, arguing that current restrictions on divorce and the economic pressures of marriage lead to sterility, depopulation, and the need for state intervention to encourage childbearing.

### Where it surfaces

- [The New Attack on Marriage](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-new-attack-on-marriage): The chapter centers on the claim that marriage is now depopulating the country, framing the new attack on marriage as a response to demographic decline rather than individual freedom.
- [Large and Small Families](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/large-and-small-families): Discusses the social implications of family size, contrasting large families that build community with small families that lead to morbid sentimentality.
- [Wanted: An Immoral Statesman](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/wanted-an-immoral-statesman): The chapter emphasizes the fall in the birth rate as a pressing issue and argues that statesmen should prefer healthy illegitimate children to rickety legitimate ones, linking population quality to social policy.
- [The Question of Population](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-question-of-population): The chapter directly addresses population decline, birth rates across classes, and the sterilizing effect of urban civilization, framing these as urgent social questions.
- [Monogamy, Polygyny and Polyandry](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/monogamy-polygyny-and-polyandry): The chapter argues that marriage laws must adapt to demographic realities, such as sex ratios, to prevent depopulation and political ruin.
- [The Male Revolt Against Polygyny](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/the-male-revolt-against-polygyny): The chapter discusses the quality of offspring and the idea of eliminating 'inferiors' to make monogamy universally desirable, touching on eugenic themes.

## Sexuality and Impersonality

Shaw argues that the sexual instinct is fundamentally impersonal and promiscuous by nature, and that society's refusal to acknowledge this leads to unrealistic expectations, hypocrisy, and harmful legal constraints.

### Where it surfaces

- [Impersonality Is Not Promiscuity](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/impersonality-is-not-promiscuity): The chapter directly addresses the distinction between impersonality and promiscuity, arguing that sexual selection is natural and not inherently indiscriminate.
- [Importance of Sentimental Grievance](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/importance-of-sentimental-grievance): The chapter asserts that every human being has a right to sexual experience, and that the law should only concern itself with parentage, separating sexuality from legal and social judgment.
- [Male Economic Slavery and the Rights of Bachelors](https://www.betterreads.dev/discover/getting_married_se/chapters/male-economic-slavery-and-the-rights-of-bachelors): The chapter discusses prostitution as a cheap temporary substitute for marriage, driven by economic necessity.

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